A return to confusion

It has been quite some time since I wrote and alas it is not due to lack of excitement in life. The roller coaster that we all whimsically call life continues with twists and turns. Amazing how I seem to always get introspective when on a plane at some massive height, must be the low air pressure that makes me light headed. Be that as it may, a few random ruminations to add to a page which has been lonely for new prattle.

It never ceases to amaze me how much of work seeps into our lives and begins to define who we are, or is it the reverse. There is never a dull moment where I work, between the sheer speed that we all work and the unfortunate games that are seemingly continuously played. These games are far from the cowboys and Indians played in the backyards and alleys. The stakes are higher and people play so much smarter. They can lie to your face and buy you lunch all while trying to figure out how to undermine your projects. Frankly it is exhausting watching and trying to figure out how to ensure that one can survive. I think there were recent Dilbert comics illustrating this. How key people will join teams, offer to help, do nothing thereby causing the demise of said project which of course makes key leader look both ineffectual and stupid. What is absolutely ridiculous is if we paid half as much time and energy on our key work there is no end to what I think we could accomplish for our firm. Frankly the more this has been happening the more this just drags me down. Don’t get me wrong, I know the game and unfortunately I think I can see it coming down the road, but man do I hate having to play it. Normally management is designed to minimize this as much as possible, but when they are playing their own, well things just tend to get out of control, which is exactly where we are now. I can’t even count the number of meetings or even days when I am driving home trying to figure out what the hell we are doing. I love the job, but hate the games.

With that said other things in life have caught me blindsided and have captivated me. I went through a bit of a phase a short while ago catching up with former high school and college friends, finding out where they have gone and what they have done with their lives. One such friend has become more than a friend. I have been reluctant to mention anything for fear of jinxing a wonderful thing, but she (yes relatives, although living in San Francisco still into women) ties me in knots whenever her name gets mentioned. If it hasn’t been for her keeping me sane I am not sure how I would have been able to balance all that has been going on in every other aspect of life. So just a quick thank you to her, and frankly how did I get so lucky?

Speaking of life changing events (ok not life changing, no one is even getting close to married – yikes m-word!!), I was thinking more of housing. Although I have had a great ride in San Francisco, and really I do enjoy living there, for a while I have wanted to own my own place. Five years of renting plain white apartments has just about run its course and now is time for a change. Why not look in San Francisco? Three reasons. One, the commute requiring a wake-up alarm every morning at 4:15 is getting a bit old. Two, there is no way I could afford more than a brown box on a street corner, maybe not even a brown box. Three, there is no safe parking in this bloody city! So yes I am thinking of moving a bit farther south, closer to work and back into suburbia. I love having hundreds of restaurants, two Starbucks, Jamba Juice and of course a massive grocery store all within feet of my front door. Not to mention one of the largest parks in the city, a huge shopping district and arguably one of the most amazing cities in the country. Can you see even here I have a hard time convincing myself to get out of the city. As many people have said, once you leave the city one can never go back. Maybe once I start perusing the real estate market it will solidify in my head, and lets face it I am the last in my group of friends from either high school or college who has not bought a place yet. I feel almost left behind (this is an entire subject for another flight).

Alas my flight to France has almost arrived, it is time once again to stow all electronic devices and brace for another day. Thank you for allowing yet another rant on my random ruminations. Do yourself a favor and don’t play the game for a day or two, it will make you feel better.