Footsteps on the Beach

She gets out of a terrible relationship, and drives off into the sunset with her daughter and their dog. The End…the movie is over. The movie always seems to end with the end of a bad relationship or bad event, but the scorch marks on the soul do not wipe as easily as the tears on the cheeks. Sure you can put some makeup on, and put on a brave smile, but that bruises are still there. Like an open cut in your mouth that you can’t stop rubbing with your tongue, it continue to hurt long after the credits finish scrolling.

Do people really understand the consequences of their actions? Adam Smith wrote about the invisible hand and that society functions at its core because people are only looking out for themselves and thus as a group we all move forward. While that might be both convenient and accurate for the economy of nations, it is certainly not what should be expected in inter-personal relationships. We are not in this alone, but rather a part of something so much bigger than any one of us. When you hurt someone else so profoundly, it doesn’t stop there, or even next week or next month. It affects every other relationship, friendship, even interaction going forward. Like a roll of dough that gets a large clump of flour caught up in the ever growing and evolving soul and makes us who we are, with blemishes.

Why do kids trust everyone, have no fear, and treat everything with a sense of profound fascination and admiration? Simply, they have not learned disappointment or pain. If only we all could stay like that, it would be so much easier. Alas, life does not allow for that. When people hurt us it affects how we view life, how we view others, and most importantly how we view ourselves. No matter how much we know mentally it is not our fault, how can we not feel that somehow it is. If only I said or did one more thing. If only I took better care of him or treated him better, he wouldn’t have. I mean who else’s fault could it be, by cheating on me, it must mean that somehow I didn’t give him what he needed. But it is not your fault, nothing you could have done could have changed that. So let me say that again, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

The problem is, it is way too easy to think only of yourself when you choose who to cheat on, when to lie, or any other selfish move. One doesn’t think about the effects of such actions. I wish somehow we could change that, but we all know that is not possible. All we can do is care for those who are close to us who got hurt. We help them heal and get through those times when there is no end in sight. We make them smile, when all they want to do is cry. And we comfort them when all we want to do is hurt the one that did this to them. Why do we do this? Because we are friends, we are in this painful world together, and we have all been down that pit before, and it is together that we will get ourselves out of it. For all those of you who have ever been hurt, you are not alone.

Give a random hug to a friend. A random email to an acquaintance. Or maybe just a fish on the front porch. Let them know they are loved.