I remember

I remember

I remember Going to the hospital and barely knowing how to spell Ben’s last name when this whole thing started and holding his hand as he woke up from an excruciatingly painful spinal tap. The drugs making him woozy and unable to control his emotions, making him switch from anger to tears to fear in second.

I remember Playing catch with him with a brand new nerf game when he was finally able to get off his IV for an afternoon.

I remember Spending hours playing a Star Wars game on the couch in his hospital room where he was locked up for weeks during bone marrow transplant 1.

I remember Holding his painfully skinny body as it was wracked in spasms as he lost what little broth he had had for the previous meal into a bucket I held. Spasm after painful spasm, followed by the ever present search for the horrible blood that we hoped would never appear in those pink buckets.

I remember Telling him fun stories of my sister and I fighting when I was a kid.

I remember Telling him fun stories of my sister and I fighting when I was no longer a kid.

I remember Seeing him laying in a bed with 2 dozen donuts in a box all for him as he licked off the chocolate off the top and insides and enjoying having them all to himself.

I remember The awe on his face when Darth Vedar came to his living room to say hi.

I remember Watching pills being dipped in special chocolate sauce to make it just a little bit easier for him to swallow.

I remember Negotiating with him when we would drink water, or take pills, literally negotiating minutes as if they meant the difference in the fate of millions, all decided by a small kitchen timer

I remember The times when two brothers would play together with the new toy of the day, fighting but never really fighting.

I remember Watching liquid chemicals of every random color with scientific names that barely fit on the package being dripped into multiple tubes going into his body while we read books of dogs to him, dogs we had or knew of as children, dogs he would never know.

I remember The adults trying to help him build a puzzle and him getting bored in 10 minutes while the adults spending the next two days because we are stubborn.

I remember The laughter even when he had no voice to laugh and it came out only in painful wheezes.

I remember The gifts he gave his brother, mother and father throughout this entire ordeal, the cards he wrote to show his love to his family.

I remember Ben, and may I never forget!