Dodged a Bullet

A couple of weeks ago I started to have some symptoms that were more than a bit concerning. Now being a typical male I of course waited a week before I finally scheduled an appointment with a doctor, one kind of hopes it will just go away on its own. Alas it did not. My doctor is of course an optimist (would I pick a doctor who was not) but he was concerned enough to start me on some pretty strong drugs which had the wonderful adverse reaction of severe nausea in the beginning. But that was not the cause of consternation it was the possibly extremely serious condition I might have which could yield a number of outcomes from being sterile to of course the end result of possible loss of life. The next week was in many ways the worst of my life as I struggle with the unknown. Before I get into what the week was like I will get to the punch line, that it was a false positive and the symptoms are completely benign. Sorry to all of you out there, you will have to continue to put up with me for many more years to come!

I think in the beginning what scared me the most was not the possibility of losing my life but of losing my dreams. We all have dreams that we have as kids, everything from people president of the United States to being a fireman. My dreams are a little more simplistic, wanting to be happy, having a family and making a real difference in whatever I end up deciding is my ‘real job’. I think the possibility of not being able to achieve any one of these dreams is what scared me the most. So I will admit that in many ways I just went into my own little cave. Yes I know in times of major personal adjustments you are supposed to reach out to friends and family but frankly I didn’t think I could take their reaction. This is when I need to thank a whole lot of those friends who did reach out to me even when I did everything possible to push them away. Their level of caring and compassion has been truly humbling and I am very lucky to have this level of friends, so again thank you.

This all happened while I was in Savannah Georgia which if you have not been is just a fun little town. It is otherwise known as Hilton Head and located on a small waterway next to one of the largest ports in the south. There is something so peaceful about the south, the way life just move a little slower, and people are a little more relaxed. I spent much of a day when I was down there just walking along the waterway watching the massive cargo ships silently gliding by as I pondered life’s bigger questions. I would certainly not mind going back at some point when I didn’t have dark clouds looming overhead.

So I want to thank everyone who was supportive of me, I know this past week has really tested some of my relationships as I pushed many of you away, but thank you for all your support even if I didn’t respond to you directly.

Now I will go back to writing all the usual blather I do on this site to entertain to the best of my ability.