A quiet time at 30000 ft in a restroom with another

Alas this is not a sexual escapade although I think that would be slightly more agreeably and tasteful, rather this is yet another medical on yet another plane. Many readers have asked what it is like to have a medical emergency at 34,000 ft in a plane traveling over water for the next 8 hours. I will try to reenact this just as it happened if you are not interested you might just want to skip down to the bottom of this entry (look for the line of stars).

It begins with a typical overnight international flight that will last a total of 8 hours from Washington Dulles to Frankfurt Germany. On these overnight flights I tend to identify myself to the chief purser for reasons that will be revealed later. A quick meal upon boarding the flight, then reclining in a very comfortable business seat, eye mask covers the eyes, ear plugs deeply inserted into both ear canals, and a soft blanket perfectly positioned. Having been up now for close to 21 hours I quickly fall into a deep if not slightly fitful sleep. I am awoken after seemingly minutes asleep where in actuality it was a couple of hours, by a slightly hesitant tapping on my shoulder. I remove my eye shades to see one of the stewardesses apologetically waking me up from a very deep sleep. She simply says that they need me, will I follow her. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I follow her down the darkened plane, pulling my medical ID from my wallet while listening to her briefing. “Passenger was found passed out between the bathrooms, vomited blood prior to discovery.” I arrive at the middle lavatories to find all the flight attendants and several passengers all crowding the narrow hallway of four bathrooms. I quickly start to excuse people and guide my way to the front. I find a relatively senior woman sitting on the toilet in the bathroom that must measure a total of 3 ft wide and 4 ft long. Red poignant smelling vomit sloshes around the floor of the lavatory with each movement of the plane. Each flight attendant asks what they do before I have even reached the patient. Another passenger identifies himself to me as an out of practice EMT. I drop to my knees trying at all costs from coating my pants in that most painful of smelling liquids swirling around my socked feet. People are reaching all around me trying to hand things to the patient, talk to the patient, and clean up the floor. Keeping in mind of course that the entire space is approximately the size of a small closet clearly not optimal working surroundings. Slowly backing everyone up we find that the red in the vomitous liquid is red wine, not blood however patient is in full body shakes and clearly disoriented. A full medical treatment ensues including a full workup, oxygen therapy and a very dicey move to an adjoining restroom which smells only slightly less hellish. Keep in mind the entire time my work space next to the bathroom measures 3 ft by the length of my reach that houses the AED, two full EEMK (extended medical kits), towels and blankets, haz mat bags, water bottles, oxygen bottles, clip board with my notes and of course the not so occasional flight attendant carefully stepping over everything to inquiry as to status. Over the next 60-75 minutes we get the situation in hand and patient returns to normal state. Causes are probably a mixture between travel stress and lack of eating for 2 days. We finally return the patient back to their coach seat to allow for the next 20 minutes of paperwork on all treatment performed and conjectures of cause. Finally almost an hour and a half after that hesitant shake on the shoulder I thankfully drop back into my seat hopeful to go back to sleep. Within 5 minutes I am back in my fitful sleep somehow with a blanket gracefully draped over me and a small flower next to my seat. Never a dull moment and even more stressful when the pilot comes out and asks if we need to make emergency landing, keeping in mind that would delay flight by several hours if not longer. You will be happy to know patient is doing quite well for the remainder of the flight.

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The previous week I have been in Baltimore for a full week conference with some of our most important customers. One of these customers in a previous trip had inquired if I would be interested in being set up with his single daughter. Keep in mind this previous trip had literally been 7 months previously, but he has a fantastic memory and had exchanged emails with me previous to this trip inquiring if I was still interested. Keep in mind this is a very tough position, upset the daughter and run the risk of upsetting the customer. Deny the daughter and run the risk of insulting customer. On the other hand a fun evening out is not something to be lightly turned down. However to soften it slightly I end up bringing a co-worker who would then align with her roommate to turn the mood to a more casual and less stressful environment. The evening when well with the conversation meandering through a variety of topics, one of particular interest in this story is of myspace. Now myspace, for those that are not in the know, is a web community where people can talk to friends and strangers all the while sharing personal information and pictures. We talked about our individual sites and just as quickly moved on to new topics. Well the next day I decide to look up her myspace just for giggles. After mere minutes of searching I indeed find the site and am surprised to find comments between her and her roommate ( I am guessing yelling across family room is so old fashion) concerning our double date. The comment from her roommate said something to the equivalent of, ‘If I do this, you so owe me, we better not have to pay. If it starts going really wrong we need to have a code word, how about Donkey-Punch” Now don’t ask me where donkey punch comes from, however thankfully it did not come in conversation. Well never one to miss an opportunity I immediately text message the date from the previous night with simply Donkey Punch. The response? “Oh fuckkkk!” I translate this to be a proclamation of despair rather than a proposition of physical activities. Both she and her friend apologizes profusely while I try to explain I found it humorous and not to worry about it. All told it was an enjoyable evening and even better humor the following day.

So now I sit in the Red Carpet Club in Frankfurt airport awaiting for the next 8 hours my flight to South Africa. Fighting to stay awake so I can sleep on my next overnight flight and thinking I am going to give up that battle. Until my next exciting chapter of this man’s random travels around the globe I wish everyone good health and safe travels.