Understanding Life

One can only understand life backwards, but must live it forward. Sometimes you wish you could just take a commercial break from life. We try to be a good person, we try to chase our dreams, but there is no map, no directions, and no GPS.

Professionally: We measure ourselves in society based on the success of our professions. Measured by net worth, stock portfolios, length of our title, the sportiness of our car, and the size of our house. But what does it really mean? I have a sister that will have not one of those things, and yet she is accomplishing more on a daily basis then I will in a lifetime in a real effect in someone’s life. We work 6 sometimes 7 days a week, and for what? What are we really accomplishing? To create another marketing plan, or another competitive white paper, does that really help the world? Does it change a person’s life? We work harder and harder, but to what end, to what purpose?

Inter-socially: To be loved by all, and serve all, the motto of Hard Rock is truer than any bartender could imagine. The number of friends, the size of our rolodex or speed dial on our cell phone, the number of voice mails after a 6 hour flight. Do these really tell us how we are as a person? Many of us try to be good friends. We try to be there for others be it lending a movie, or buying them a cup of coffee, or sending them some flowers for no other reason than they needed something to make them smile. But is that too much, or is it too little? How do we really know who are friends are, what agenda they might have, and how much they can hurt us when we let our guard down? How much it hurts to realize that every good intention, every offer has been taken for granted like rain water the grass. If there is no rain, I can just get my gardener to water the lawn. How much it hurts to be the cloud that is not needed.

Personal: How do we see ourselves? Is it how flat our stomachs are, how tight our bottoms are, or maybe how much hair we have, or the amount we can bench press. We spend so much time and effort trying to modify our physical for it has a true and absolute affect on our psyche. If we feel ourselves to be sub-standard, we hunch over, act defensive, and compensate in any one of a hundred ways. We never really see who we are in a mirror. When was the last time you just looked in a mirror, I mean really looked? Don’t look at the blemishes, the receding hair line, the stomach, or the pimples. Look at you and see who you are. That is what you measure yourself to be. Do you like it, do you not? Either way it is who you truly are.

I am 25 and to some that seems young, to others seems old, but it is simply an age. An age where you take reflection like every other age. Am I where I want to be, am I who I want to be? I am still an optimist, thank goodness no one has taken that away from me. I still believe in the best in people, and every time someone takes advantage financially, socially, or personally, it hurts all the more. But I refuse to let that jade my spirit, for then I give in and hand them my soul. I still love the smell of the first spring day and the smell of evergreens in winter. Sure the 56inch plasma screen and 15 pt surround sound is enough to make you rip off your clothes in Best Buy and beg for financing, but it can replace the feeling when a tiny whiff of a smell brings back some childhood memory. Society creates more powerful and sense stimulating devices, sometimes the small things make all the difference.

All these thoughts, all these desires to be successful, a good person, and most of all happy, bombard the mind like a hoard of mosquitoes trying to get at the flickering flames of a lantern in the middle of the woods. No wonder it is so difficult to sleep. I guess it is true, only the guilty and jaded sleep peacefully and without thoughts. May I never stopd dreaming, may I never stop hoping, may I never stop smiling at the full moon on a cold winter’s night.

Good night sweet land