Friends and Honesty

I think I will forever be a better friend than boyfriend, but let’s leave that until later. This past week has been challenging to put it nicely. However I have some of the most amazing friends who have gone above and beyond to really help me. Between one friend cooking me a food which included much needed and delectable cookies and then bringing it to work, to another friend guilting me into having dinner at her place with the rest of her family (the latter very much cheering me up). My friends have been calling me late at night to see how I am feeling and have surrounded me with emails and instant messages to check up on me and keep my spirits up. Even one friend who I am not terribly close with went in my opinion well above the call of duty and brought in a couple of lilies inside a water bottle. So they sit on my desk begging for me to keep life in perspective and remember the good things as well.

This however brings me to something else. Many of my friends are girls who I went out with for a period of time and when we broke up decided to be friends instead. Actually when thrust into focus I realize the number of failed relationships are much better friends. Is there something wrong with that? To some this might sound like an inability to let go of past relationships, but we are so much better friends that we ever were in a relationship. There is a level of honest post relationship that with some was never there during the relationship in terms of things we didn’t like in that other person. Some were shared intentionally while others shared unintentionally, either way very eye open. So while this past week has made me feel so very much lucky to have such great friends, one needs to wonder why none of them ever worked as a relationship. How much more needs to be there to change a great friendship into a great relationship?

Just some random thoughts, back the more mindful events of course revolves around Ben. Each day has been getting slightly easier, with the stories and memories friends and family have been sharing, and of course slowly the ability to sleep slowly improving as well. The memorial service is not until mid next week, so a ways to go until some amount of closure.