A fitting tale for a return to blogging

First an apology to my loyal readers for my absence over the past couple of weeks. Partly work has overtaken my free time due to a promotion with a whole host of new responsibilities and travel, and partly because simply I have been talking more to my readers on the phone. It is amazing how quickly phone time can eat into one’s free time, but in a fabulous way of course.

But now into a little more of my travel and tales of interest. Today, well I guess yesterday at this point, I was all set to embark on a trip to London. A mere 10 hour flight from San Francisco, not the longest but certainly a flight well worth upgrading on. Even with my wonderful status even I do not get upgraded every time and was thus placed in a comfortable seat in the middle of a massive 747-400. Now for those of you who travel frequently or even for those of you who do so infrequently continue to read if you want to know how to be the most popular passenger. They board this massive 300+ passenger plane filled to the gills without a single open seat with five minutes to spare, just when we all thought we would leave even a couple of minutes early the pilot announces that somehow the food crew had boarded not one, not two, but three food carts that were absolutely empty. Somehow that didn’t seem proper so of course they were going to take the time and bring on the correct ones. No problem, another 15 minutes and we will be out of here. Food transition complete, all jetways and vehicles moved away for taxi and can you guess what happened? One of our fellow passengers decided this was the optimal time to get violently sick. We are talking wave after wave of nausea complete with full body convulsions. I go over to lend my assistance (with ample gloves I would point out) and quickly recommend that we remove this passenger prior to takeoff. A shocker, but somehow the entire staff of the plane agrees. This leads to an hour long task of removing passenger with baggage and then disinfecting an entire row of seats. Somehow for the rest of the flight I am everyone’s best friend, as if I somehow averted some major disaster for the entire plane rather than just comfort a man in physical distress. By the way if you are one that likes to drink on a plane this is an incredibly easy way to get rip roaring drunk for free as every steward will offer you any alcoholic drink you desire. Of course one needs to question that for the minute I drink one I am no longer allowed to render assistance, so that makes the entire situation a bit ironic. Either way the flight ended up being quite uneventful save the wonderful care and attention from all the wonderful staff of my United flight.

But wait we are not done yet. I get off the plane and jump into the cab listing my hotel which I was lead to believe is the closest to my corporate offices that I will be working out of for the next three days. I query the taxi driver to ensure this is correct once we start to leave, and he actually states that there is a Hilton closer if I would like, but keep in mind since he is computer dispatched he would need to return to the airport (we are only a mere 5 minutes out) and get re-dispatched. Not a problem. Well to make a long story short, the new hotel is literally connected to the airport and due to traffic a walk that I could have done from the airport terminal ends up being almost $30. Oops. Lets just blame the 10 hour flight shall we?

As for what else has been going on in my life. Besides a trip to Orlando last week, London this week and a whole slew of work that has pretty much been my life. Fear not I am not actually complaining about this it just means that a vast preponderance of my time is spent running around trying to do the work of three. Impossible for a mere mortal, thankfully that does not apply to me. Now I have got to catch up on work so more later, this time I promise.

Mickey wishes and medical needs

Arriving a day early for work event I spent the day with relatives in the happiest place on Earth. Now while I think that the title might be stretching it just a bit it is certainly quite a bit better than my trips to Vegas. Being Mother’s Day and all everything seemed a little bit more fun for the whole family. Mothers were given carnations upon entering, maybe a little fortitude for having the incredibly stressful job of keeping the children in-line all day in the heat, not to mention the daily job of raising kids. Thankfully lines were not terribly long and thus my aunt, cousin, cousin’s son, and I got to jump on a number of rides amidst the heat and humidity of an early summer Florida day. As always Disney provides an insight into parenting which far exceeds that of any parenting class. You see the parents that let their kids just run wild to the ones that discipline their kids to the nth degree including public spanking and swearing. One wonders how our society has sunk so far at times, and then taking a look it all seems to come together.

The adventure begins to heat up (no pun intended) when we went off site for a little dinner. Our meal comes and we are just about halfway when at the next table over we hear a call for someone to call 911. My aunt quickly says, my nephew he is a medic he can help. Going over to lend a hand, this gentleman has now lost consciousness and his eating companions are quickly losing their calm and panicking. The hostess comes over and tries to take over as a first responder, I let her know my training and she quickly leaves to ensure 911 is on their way. The patient regains consciousness long enough to give me some information before having another episode. Long story short ambulance comes to take him away, ironically he has had this type of episode of passing out before but decided not to go to hospital or doctor which makes this injury due to stupidity. The hostess ends up thanking me and wanting to know if I am local to the Orlando area. When I tell her San Francisco she looks a little disappointed, unfortunately as they say GU (geographically undesirable). One of these days we will all meet the person of our dreams locally right? Either way it certainly led to an interesting conclusion to the day.

At this point I think it is certainly time to get some rest, I am sure much more on this trip to follow.

Crazy drivers

Although slightly tardy some reflections from last week’s trip to Florida. First the benefits of spending way too much time traveling became quite apparent upon checking into my hotel. I was staying at a brand new doubletree located directly on the beach, so new in fact you could still smell the sawdust in the humid Florida air. They had decided to upgrade me due to my diamond status into their presidential suite; clearly I was the best option they had. Now I tend to not get too excited during these upgrades as I have seen gold gilded toilets in my suite in the Belagio, talking toilets in Japan, mirrors on the ceiling in the MGM Grand and stereo systems to rival small theaters in New York. Yet this room had the elegance and simplicity that caused even I to pause. Living room had floor to ceiling mirrors along the entire main wall followed by a full patio traversing the entire length of the suite from living room and bedroom all of course overlooking the beach and ocean. Soft lighting and hot tub in the bathroom of course topped it off. Such luxury, such extravagance, such no one to share it with when traveling by myself. Really need to find someone who wants to stay in luxury hotels in cities around the world, applicants apply within.

But Florida is as always an interesting paradox of a town. On one hand you have the seniors who have not been able to see over their steering wheel since 1976 and insist on driving in the left lane at 54.5 miles per hour, and on the other hand crazy teenagers who insist on weaving through traffic with millimeters to spare while blasting Latin music. Any time I have complained about drivers here in CA, ignore it, at least I can predict their behavior. In CA we know they are going to cut over four lanes and can plan on it, in Florida you see everything from someone stopping in the middle lane as they try to decide if they want to exit (honest to goodness true story). So remarkably enough I have given up complaining of CA drivers and will instead criticize Floridians.

The trip went well and I spoke over steak lunch to 35 industry CIOs. Let me tell you the conversation was riveting and witty. Coming home was certainly a relief after hitting both coasts and of course a bit of partying on my birthday.

Back here in CA I spent my Saturday in a way that no bachelor ever wants to admit, yes that would be cleaning. I spent a good four hours hand scrubbing the apartment that was long overdue for some TLC. Alas four hours later it smells and looks just like before I started with just a bit less dust and grime but still just as much ‘stuff’. What can I say as I guy I am a collector. Sunday was much more fun with a trip to the beach with a friend which would be the first for the year. I must remember to do more of that in the months ahead, who knows how long I will be living just a few minutes from one of the best (yet coldest) beaches in the country.

Oh it is a celebration my friends

As outlined before this year like all other years in CA I have been on the road for my annual personal celebration, however that does mean it was not a good time. Before we get into the events of the evening lets rewind just a bit.

I was in Las Vegas for work, this means that starting at 7am I am on a show floor actually trying to be productive, to talk to customers and others who might want to know more about our company and our products. Last year on my birthday it was the year of the electronic cards. I must have received no less than two dozen e-cards from friends and family. To be honest they feel a little less personal but they are still a wonderful thing to wake up to. This year was the year of phone calls. Now I brought up what I was doing in Vegas to explain why I was unable to pick up the phone at 9am, 11am, noon, 1pm, 2pm and so on. Throughout the day that little piece of circuitry in my pocket would not take a moment’s rest. Only late in the afternoon did I get the opportunity to listen to all the messages together. More than a few of the messages sang to me. Some, like me, are challenged to maintain even a simple tune to a medley as complex as Happy Birthday, while others use years of vocal and musical training to entertain with a wonderful a cappella rendition. Regardless of the words or the talent I was truly touched. Emails, IMs, Text Messages and voice mails. I really do have some wonderful friends and family and am truly blessed. How many times are we reminded of the saying, if you were to win the lottery or truly be successful in life, would you have someone to tell? I am blessed that I do.

But now to the words you have been eagerly anticipating, what happens in Vegas on a man’s birthday late into the evening and into the morning? Dinner at Nobu was first on the agenda, one of the finest sushi restaurants in the region (and yes we know we are in the middle of the desert). Now those of you who know me are already cringing for you know that I just relish in food that swims. In actuality I don’t eat seafood, but everyone I work with does and enjoys it quite a bit so I have learned to cope. There is always some Tampura or other non-seafood dishes. On the other hand the atmosphere was light and cheerful, the guests were majority light and cheerful, and the drinks…well plentiful. Dinner did not begin until 9:30 and ended close to the 11 hour. Well we could not finish the night, we had just barely begun. Into a quick taxi ride toward Mandalay Bay where the taxi driver had to give an editorial on my skills on picking up women. The reason I can talk so well to business people but not to get a woman to go home with me is I don’t ask the write question. I ask what the right question is, he holds up a finger and says now that is a good question. Great partly drunk and I have a philosophical cab driver. Onto Rum Jungle, a night club that has gone downhill in recent months in terms of clientele but who was hosting a number of co-workers so a perfect locale. $20 cover prompted the question to the lead bouncer, who actually looks like a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers, if my birthday entitled me to free admission. Alas if only I had tits, well at least that is how he put it. Lucky for us, one of the people in my party was a female, so he gave her the free pass for my birthday because she has well tits. There is no justice in the world, women no complaining about inequality, you get back at us in your own way.

Once inside the next couple of hours was a mixture of dancing, yes I actually danced…poorly (again for those who know me, not much of a surprise there), drank copious quantities of inebriating liquids, took crazy pictures with colleagues, and even had a deep and meaningful conversation with someone about something (or at least so I was told). By 2am we were kicked out of the abandoned and empty club, most went home but a few brave souls decided to keep the party moving. A trip to the bathroom, not as easy as might be expected in a casino, finding these much sought after rooms can be challenging. Finally to a live band playing on the gambling floor and of course maybe a little more inebriating liquids. Our time was mostly occupied pondering life’s great questions, for example, how did that girl’s mom let her walk around in that outfit? Or maybe the deeper, what happened to you at 27 and was it good for you? Keeping in mind my friends that yes I am 27 now, although everyone who was told my birthday was forced to guess my age. Guesses ranged between 29 and 38, so either I look incredibly old, am incredibly boring or mature, either way 27 starts sounding much better when you are contemplating mid 30s.

Finally when hour struck past three it was time to walk back to my hotel, well a tram and two walkways. I had enough time to pack my room and take a quick 30 minute nap before my wake-up call knocked me out of bed (literally) still maybe a little intoxicated to head over to the airport for an early morning flight. Why on earth would I schedule such a crazy 6am flight the day after my birthday? I have to be in Florida to give a talk at a CIO event and it takes an entire day to make ones way across the country. But no matter my flight from Vegas to Denver was absolutely empty and I was able to pass out along three seats for the entire two hours in the air. I awoke feeling alive and ready to begin the year, well maybe a little parched but that was easily rectified. My Denver to Florida flight had a bit of drama during pushback when a woman refused to turn off her cell phone, decided to verbally harass the flight attendants who she felt were being rude to her and finally actually stalked out of her seat toward the cockpit as we were taxing to the runway. Disclaimer: Do NOT try this at home! Of course the pilot had to make an emergency stop while they had to decide to call the cops or not, while passengers verbally shouted her down until she returned to her seat neither apologetic or humbled. We took off without incident but I fully expected her to be arrested or tackled by a fellow passenger.

I would like to take a second and thank my work colleagues who have every year shown me the greatest of times when I am on the road on my birthday. Granted Vegas is an easy place to host such an event, but they have opened their arms and their tolerances for alcohol. I am truly a lucky guy, now how to repay that favor….?