Random Ruminations of my Mind: October 2004

Nudity Everywhere, wait its a GUY!!

Work had the decency to send me on a trip right around one of my favorite holidays, and even better to a fun city where I have a fun friend. Go K. Go K, its your birthday! So flying 3k some miles from San Francisco to Washington to Florida, to arrive roughly 9 hours later ready to party. Got some food (do you know how hard it is to find food at 9pm in Fort Lauderdale? Go McDonalds!), and went back to K’s place to meet up with her friends. Introduce M, K’s boyfriend. Nice guy very patient, especially when some people are hungry and cranky and needing to be fed (not me by the way). A short time later sitting in my friend’s house (yes boys and girls, one of my only friends to actually own a house, feel so old!). Everyone arrives and now it is time to hit the bars and hit the town running. Now Halloween to many parts of our culture is a time to scare people with costumes consumed with blood, guts, wounds, and other freaky characteristics. What was not expected was a Southern Florida tradition of scaring people by showing lots of skin (both male and female) including rear nudity, leather and chains and all things nice (some pictures below, but most too extreme even for me to post for fear of having censors come knocking on my door). I, not knowing the local traditions and having to carry my costume from the other side of the country, decided to come as your neighborhood friendly Fire/Rescue officer. For who does not love a fireman (by the way the answer to that is lots of women, and one very surly bartender)? The wonderful part of this evening was there was no cover at any bar and it was east to go bar hopping depending on the mood and the patrons. So away we go hitting bar and after bar, watching the crazy people with amazing creativity in some costumes, and just bare nudity in many. The girls enjoy dancing on the bars while men dance on the floor and get jostled, drinks poured on them, and feet stepped on, come on you know we LOVE IT! By the end of the evening, a good time was had by all (I think), my helmet worn by numerous people, and not a single rescue call (darn). More updates on the proclivity of individuals in Fort Lauderdale tomorrow. So stay tuned, same bat time, same bat channel.

Yeah she is sexy, yeah she knows it, but hey that cool, we are all just a little sexy in our own way!

I can't hold my pizza, I don't have enough arms. Maybe I should have worn a different costume?

Nothing helps late night drinking than a little late night snacking. There were no white castles around so I guess it is pizza for us, and it was guuuuuuud.

Can you feel the love? Or are we just trying to keep each other from falling over drunk?

Now she has my helmet? I don't get it, how does my helmet keep getting onto pretty girl's heads? Not like any other part does. :-)

Now where did she get that Fire Helmet? Wait a minute! I must have been distracted. You do have to admit he does have a nice smile under that mustache :-).

I know some girls love a big one, but is this just a little bit excessive? I mean come-on! Well they seem to be all smiles, so who knows, maybe size does matter.

Oh wait here is the fireman (looking a little toasted, must have been a hard days work). I did get compliments on the outfit so THANK YOU L.L.

The entire motley crew (well save one fireman). Can you tell there was no theme for the night, except that a good plan was going to be had by all!

Still a'cutting and a'slicing! Got to show those arms baby!

Haven't even started the night, and already we have costume modification going on? Or is this some weird mating ritual?

Moving On.....

Some of you may be wondering about my earlier blog. The truth of the matter is most of us can deal when something goes wrong in our life, maybe even two. When a bunch of things all gone wrong simultaneously, well that is a prime-A reason to go into a funk. Sometimes a good rant is all you need, other times having a couple of good friends to talk to is even better. A number of friends called me and helping knock me back to my usual self, or at least as close as I can until I find a new job.

Halloween is approaching and never is there a better racket approaching. Where else can you go door-to-door asking for candy, and complete strangers just give it to you. Granted I might be a little old to be regaling houses with the holiday song of ‘trick or treat, smell my feet…etc’, but I can still participate in the festivities. I am flying down to Florida to spend the holidays with my good friend Kai and her friends. So a good time is planned by all.

I was in LA this past Monday for a day and I know how much we ridicule LA for their fascination with looks and materialism. Between the botox, plastic surgery (got to love the fake calves and pecks they put in men) there is nothing real in LA. Although I have to say that there really are beautiful people in LA, it was more than that. It was a sense of fashion that was most impressive. The typical faire just an hour north of LA is khakis and a polo shirt, sometimes a t-shirt with the name of the company if they want to change it up a little. But down south in LA they have flavor, they have style, they have fashion. So we give you guys and gals down there a nod for style.

Rant Rant Go Away, Come again another day

So pardon my rant yesterday. Life has been frustrating and aggravating. Where I go from here is still an open question, but I am trying to keep a positive attitude (anything above the zero line is positive), and take things one day at a time.

So will write more later, but thanks to all who read.

G-D BLESS!

So I just got the call. No not a good call, was just told that my wrap up for all my travel, the trip I was actually looking forward to where I was asked to speak in front of a very large audience in France, was well being given to someone else. No problem, maybe because I am not a good speaker or my scores have been trailing. Nope still the highest rated speaker in the group. Maybe because they wanted someone else. Nope was still their first choice. No it is the same BS of politics and favoritism. G-D BLESS IT!

My manager is leaving to join a new group and thus my manager who has been at least a fair manager is being replaced by … oops, no clue. Until they find a new manager I am reporting to someone who at best loves to rule people he may or may not be in charge of. Loves to throw his power around, although he doesn’t have that much of it. Yes it is my dearest and closest friend. Someone who climbed to the top by kissing butt and doing everything he could to make himself look good at others expense. And now he is my manager. G-D BLESS IT!

I am back in town which is nice, weather is pretty, and my apartment comfy. Quiet and comfy. Empty and Comfy. Lonely and Comfy. No not desperate, but is it too much to ask for just a couple of good friends out here? I have a couple of friends on the other side of the country, but what about local. The local friends I have, well I mean you are there for them during good times and bad, but when can it be about you? When can you expect for a good friend to just say, Hey what’s up, want to grab to eat? To say you know I haven’t heard from you, how are you doing? Enjoy your weekend? Sometimes it feels like you are always the one initiating, just get tired of it after awhile. Since when is friendship so much work? G-D BLESS IT!

But I have my health, and if you have that, what else do you need in life? I guess I am tired. Tired of being used by work to be used for the grunt work because I wouldn’t complain, but when it comes to the better assignments, passed over. Tired of being used by other people. Just tired.

One tries to be a good and moral person. To help fellow people in matters both large and small. To give of oneself in everything from physical, to monetary, to moral matters. We are to believe to accumulate capital for the soul for those deeds and actions. But do we really have to wait until death to cash in that capital. Must we wait until we die to realize the fruits of our labors. So often we help and like the changing of scenes in play, so does scene disappear before our eyes never to be seen again. And just as rapidly our rememberance of deeds done and actions performed. So one must ask again, why do we, to our own detrmient, give unto others as we beleive we should?

Sun--YEA!!!

Just a quick update. Somehow in the past hour the sun how broken through and all the clouds are gone. It has gotten warmer and has transformed a cold bleary rainy day into a perfect autumn day. So I am going to go out and enjoy the fresh air and sun. It has turned into a GREAT day, loving it!

A million, billion miles!

A friend asked me how I typically spend my days, and I wanted to give some proficient account of making million dollar deals, or teaching complex concepts to hundreds, instead I showed her some pictures and well lets face it that is how I am spending my days. I decided to share those with all of my friends, well look below, that is what I see most times I wake up. Yes boys and girls I have now officially circumnavigated the globe 4 times, flying a total of 100,406 miles this year on United Airlines. (the circumference of the earth is 24,901.5 miles). So let me tell you how great it has been vegging out this weekend.

Last night went and saw Shark Tale, and today just enjoying a Carmel cider from Starbucks while reading a good book (Gai-Jin from James Clavell). Tomorrow I head out to LA for just a quick day trip (hopefully) and then spend the entire rest of the week here in sunny (or not so sunny) CA. Until next time, happy travels to all and enjoy the rain, remember its not snow!

This is pretty impressive.

Anyone for climbing a mountain?

One last picture.

Isn't fall great? The changing of the trees? The rain, the cold, and hot apple cider.

Wine country, artistry in the vines.

Downtown San Jose, that is a hell of a sky line.

Can we say urban sprawl?

The view from the air, nothing like a bed of clouds, don't they look just completely comfortable.

If not here, Where?

All my friends have left.
The work isn’t what it used to be.
The environment isn’t as conducive anymore.
So why am I still here?

But yet it is harder than ever to move on. Getting comfortable in a role, in a position, or in a location is many times difficult to do, however once accomplished many times very difficult to break out. I have a great friend (thanks C.F.) who had many of the same problems. He didn’t have a new place to go, but he knew that if he didn’t just quit his job, he would never really fully dedicate his time and energy to produce a new and better job for himself. So is that what I need to do? Sometimes I think so, but then the more conservative side of me says, “Are ya smoking dope?? The hell would you leave a well paying job in a good company without a better place to go?” Although it does pose a decent argument, what is the value of enjoyment of ones job and peace of mind in general? The group I have worked in for the past 3+ years has been great. Pushing me to grow both in maturity and technical skills. A group of energetic and excited individuals who want to push a new technology in every possible walk of life to really change the way people live. We were encouraged to try new and crazy things, all for the betterment of the product and sales of course. Nowadays, it is about agreeing with the party line, CYA (cover your ass), and putting on a show of commitment without actually getting anything really accomplished. So possibly not the best place to be right now. But where to go and how to get there, and when to leave? That is the question that I am faced with. So many of my close friends have left to do other things, they usually settle on lesser jobs, but that doesn’t stop them from being happy. I guess another thing to think about.

Public Service, a curse or a privlege

Ego, arrogance, denial, ignorance, stubbornness

Visionary, revolutionary, idealist, optimist

What is the difference between those characteristics? Honestly it is usually if the person accused of those was right or wrong. I have been accused of all of the above (except maybe revolutionary), some times I was on the side of angels others the demons in my head. Sometimes I was right, others maybe I was, but things didn’t play out as expected, and finally many times I was just plain wrong. One consolidates oneself by believing that everyone learns from their mistakes and will become older and wiser because of each and every decision. Every choice that we make, makes the next choice that much harder because we gained that much more insight and now need to take that into consideration. As a child to touch or not to touch, was a question never even considered. It wasn’t until we touched the hot stove, that now we need to consider if the pot is hot. But then we touched something that was sharp, so now we need to consider if it is hot and sharp. And on and on.

So over time our decisions get harder due to increasing factors, but the stakes raise as well. The impact begins as an ouchie and moves to our own lives to the lives of others. We wonder why it is an exponential curve to gaining grey hair or age beyond your years, it is because of the weight of the decisions that one is forced to make. Suffice to say, it stinks, but it is the price we pay for being the species who have the ability to learn and grow beyond ourselves. It is the privilege we hold as the species that holds the power of the almighty and choose not to use it, the power of life and death. It is the honor we hold as the species who will create new life and propel us beyond the physical reaches of our solar system. But all blessings have a price. It is the price of knowledge. Knowing what your actions caused and what you could have done.

To the candidates of every election from school board to president, you will be questioned on every move, every choice, and every word you make. It is an honor and a privilege to have the trust and hope of the optimists and the stubborn alike. You will make mistakes, and you will pay for them in your own mind every time you need to make another decision. To those who have not been smitten by the Cupid arrow of greed and power, may you judge fairly and trust your instincts and your advisors. Sometimes ego is the right way to go for the other side of ego and stubbornness can be visionary and optimist.

Yes I trust you, as long as I have a camera on you.

Trust. Its an interesting word. Its dictionary definition is a firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. But what is it actually in its manifestation in a relationship? Can one party of a marriage truly and total trust another? If so what is the need for rules for so called trust? I have a colleague who I respect quite a bit who has been happily married for 15 years with 2 wonderful children. He does travel a bit for work and when he does he does not go anywhere where he will be alone with another female unless it is his sister or mother. I find this curious especially when he identifies times when he has to travel with a work colleague that is a female, does this mean you don’t share taxis or rental cars when going from the airport to the same hotel? Yup, no sharing if it is just the two of them. This is all for trust. But doesn’t this go against the very definition of trust which is the reliance of integrity where you shouldn’t have to worry if they are alone since you know they wouldn’t take advantage of a situation.

I have been on the road for a number of years having been to trade shows, events, customer presentations to name a few. I have seen all the stereotypes and more, but the exception to the rule are those breaking those sacred vows. So we all know the euphemisms of ‘what goes on the road, stays on the road’, or ‘its not cheating if it is a different zip code’, but I would like to believe that those that believe in these ideologies are not the trustworthy blokes that we idealize.

But then another aspect of this showed up. Another colleague is looking for a nanny to help take care of their two children. Of course she gets veto power over any choice her husband makes, so of course the question was asked in jest ‘don’t you trust your husband?’ ‘Of course, but that doesn’t mean I want temptation prancing around in high heels and a tight shirt’.

This implies that there is a happy boundary between rules required for trust, and temptation dancing like sugar plum fairies. I am sure that balance varies in each and every relationship, but I hope in this day and age of divorces outnumbering marriages, infidelity, and celebrity relationships that last 48 hours, I would hope we can all have a little more trust, honest and true trust. Trust in what is fundamental to that relationship and in our own beliefs.

Do I hear ringing? YES, and it is everywhere!!

Another day another opportunity. Who knows what each new sunrise will offer. Besides the psychics who of course can see ahead of time (except for that little thing of bankruptcy), we must make a choice each time we wake up. To be an optimist or a pessimist, to expect a hard gruesome day at the office, or a day filled with weird events that will lead to interesting stories. I prefer to think that tomorrow will be the best day of my life, or a defining moment, because isn’t every moment a defining moment in our life? Is this deep or is this the epitome of lunacy, continually believing in something that rarely comes true? But who knows, each day is another flight, another random meeting, another emergency medical call, or even a wrong number (next time you get a wrong number, try starting a conversation, really is quite interesting).

In other news, in the not so sunny state of CA today (yes like most of the Midwest we here in the great sunshine state got rain); I managed to get the all important haircut (try a new style? Maybe next time), purchased some music from the store (yes kids, that is what we had to do before there was music sharing), and went to work for a little while (it really is like my safety blanket, can’t stay away for too long). I would like to pontificate for a couple of sentences on the good fortune of the Green Bay Packers, go Pack! We didn’t think it could happen, but yes unless my eyes deceive me we have finally won game, so great job men. And speaking of races does anyone feel the presidential race is like one great game? I mean lets face it, we can do virtually nothing to affect the outcome (except vote, so everyone hit the polls! …. Well as long as you vote for my candidate, the rest of you, take a day off on me!), however we are riveted to the outcome like lifelong die hard fans awaiting the final play after a crazy 2 minute rally in the super bowl. Who will it be? The favorite or the long shot? Tune in after the commercial break for all the latest.

Tomorrow I fly out for another riveting trip filled with intrigue and adventure. Alas my flight was canceled, so United decided to rebook me automatically. They of course notified me of my change, by emailing me, paging me AND calling my cell phone all in the span of mere seconds. For a moment I thought the NSA was trying to get a hold of me. So space travelers, stay tuned for the next issue of the Matthew monthly (or daily), and until then, wake up with the hope of a child!

All colors of the rainbow!! Good times.

Another day and another trip. Here I am in sunny Ohio, oops did I say sunny, I meant to say a rainy and cloudy. On the other hand flying in I was treated to one of those spectacular sights that we so rarely see in CA. A barrage of fire red, big bird yellow, and burnt orange as far as the eye could see. Yes my friends it is fall in the Midwest and a more impressive natural sight is hard to see anywhere. Flying low under the clouds, one can almost not believe their eyes, so as much as I make fun of the rain and the clouds out here, Ohio and the Midwest in general does have numerous advantages.

So here I am for three days, fly home tonight so I can spend the weekend in my bed in my apartment with MY TV and Netflix (by the way the best thing since sliced bread!). I come back here in on Monday for next week as well. I would like to take a quick second and celebrate, there is no worse feeling than fearing a result of a test for a week or more, but then no better feeling when the tests come back NEGATIVE. L.M. I couldn’t be happier for you, I know how scared you were, we were all praying for you and thank G-d everything worked out in your favor. Such a relief!

I will write again when I am either on the plane or back in CA.

Sex? Burn for it!!

So why do most major religions of the world condemn sex so much? Now of course when I am talking about sex I am referring to pre-marital sex. But this is an abomination, it is a sin. What is so wrong about pleasure and enjoying life that needs to be condemned by the largest institutions known to man? This is a subject of newspapers, religious groups and even popular shows such as Sex In the City. It goes a step further as well, it not only condemns sex, it condemns self pleasure as well (in other words masturbation). Again what is so wrong about pleasure that it should be a sin?

Now I am not being a stereotypical guy here with these comments nor am I endorsing open and promiscuous hook-ups. But if you are in a close relationship, why is sex such a mortal sin that carries a punishment of eternal damnation or worse. I feel that sometimes the feeling of simply sleeping next to someone you care about is better than all the alcohol in the world. Let me know what you think about this.