How do you open your eyes?

Waking up in the morning is usually my strong suit. It is infinitely easier than falling asleep, this you can actually will your body to do, however I am realizing slowly not as easy to will your mind to do. I am trying to take it slightly easier as I know I will be going to London in a couple of days and I really do not want to be sick going over there, so I am allowing myself to sleep later than normal. This morning I stumble out of bed at 6:15 which to me sees like both a healthy and respectable time to wake up. Now many of you who know me, know I much prefer to take showers before going to bed for either the reason of enjoying sleeping clean, or allowing me to wash my sheets less frequently. Well last night the spirit just was not in me and I went without, which of course means this morning the enjoyable chore of showering must be done.

(Editor’s note: If you are offended by nudity stop reading here)

So I get out of bed in my boxers, rubbing my face and scratching my rear end (hey before laughing, you try doing both simultaneously). I mosey or more accurately shuffle my way to the bathroom and take a second to stare in the mirror. Realizing that I can’t see anything more than ghosts swirling around me like something out of the Haunted Mansion I decide to put my contacts in. Oh my, I think I looked better without those pieces of plastic in my eyes. Oh well, return eyes to half shut and jump in the shower. Now this is a term that is not completely accurate. When was the last time you saw someone jump into the shower? When you think about it, jumping into the shower would actually be quite dangerous with the slipperiness of the porcelain and the sharpness of the rail holding the shower doors, but regardless I endeavored to enter the shower. This of course required removing the boxers, picking up a leg, placing it in shower tub, then turning body 45 degrees while bringing the other leg to follow. This was clearly much to complex series of steps for me this morning. First foot went straight into the metal guard rail holding the shower doors. This then followed a series of hopping acrobatic exercises as various words of color went through my head. Finally when foot stopped bleeding, the shower I did enter. Ok just one thing, I can live with that, no big deal. On the way out my hand flails searing desperately for the hand rail, instead my elbow finds it. It is so excited that it decides to jab the sharp edge of the hand rail twice just to make its point. Great now I have another extremity bleeding. I am beginning to think the bathroom is just not a safe place for me. Suffice to say I dared not go within 10 feet of the shaving materials.