Hey world, you win!

If this is the year of self realization when ignorance is fucking bliss. I hate the fact that I can’t be like everyone else. Why can’t I backstab co-workers, pretend to be friends and sleep with random women who are so damn drunk they have no idea what they are doing and leave them to recover in the hallway of an anonymous hotel? It seems to be what everyone else does, even outside of Vegas. I am sick of being everyone’s brother and the ‘nice’ guy every married or 50 some woman loves. I am sick of being the one that is kicked in the street spit on and then comes back the next day like a nice little puppy dog and says please sir, can I have some more.

I realize this is all one big game, and hey I am going to say this in a loud voice. Hey world—YOU WIN! I give up, I capitulate, I kneel, I surrender. I can not play the game, and I refuse to keep getting kicked in the teeth. I thought this morning, hey maybe yesterday was a fluke, maybe what has happened for the past week, was just some random weird thing in the stars. Hey guess what? NOT! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me four times, Fuck me!

I am who I am, and although that face in the mirror is not what I like, the body not what I desire, and the mind one that will not shut up be it after 2 drinks or 12. It is me, and there is no changing it. I have been told that there is nothing more rewarding than doing for others, and I will not lie it does feel good to help others. It does not make up for all else.

Raynboe, thank you for the drink tonight, you were the highlight of the night with that one selfless act. D.D, S.N, P.D, I.F., J.R., O.A, K.A, D.S, to name a few, thank you for spitting on me. I absolutely loved it. Oh and that one random chick out there who decided it would be fun to mess with my head, god bless you.

So tomorrow I will wake up, I will go to work and I will be who I am. Oh but I look in the mirror and I respect myself, yes, but I don’t really like myself.