How much is that?

So I am at the grocery store this evening for a some needed dinner ingredients and as I walk by the deli counter this is the dialogue I overheard.

(customer) “I would like some smoked turkey

(clerk) “How much would you like?”

(customer) “I don’t know.”

(clerk) “How about a half a pound?”

(customer) “No, that is way too much.”

(Clerk) “How about a quarter pound?”

(customer) “Nah, that isn’t enough.”

(clerk) “How about a third of a pound?”

(customer) “How much meat is that?”

At this point I was convinced the clerk was just going to throw the meat at the customer, got to love people when in the service industry.

Today it rained outside, and you wonder why I remark on this, well in CA when it rains everyone works from home. Seriously when it rains everyone just boards themselves up in their houses, it’s like they have never seen rain before. As I find this humorous and ridiculous, frankly I did the same thing.

All work and no play makes…

Last week was spent in the cold and slightly rainy city of Amsterdam. Neither rain or cold mattered considering the amount of time spent out of the office was numbered in minutes rather over the course of 3 days. This is not a complaint actually it is my largest satisfaction at the moment. To be given a role with a measure of autonomy, leadership, and responsibility also comes with an increased work load, yet rarely has so much additional work been so welcomed. Granted all three not only come with work but also individual personalities and well their own schticks, but I am learning a day at a time how to work with them. A couple of amusing moments did happen while in the crazy city and an entry would not be an entry if it did not provide at least some entertainment value.

Leaving the office late in the evening my boss and I were looking for dinner at the tender hour of 10:30pm. Even in Europe the number of possible locales were limited, so we settled on a reasonable pub, and promptly ordered good ol’ pub burgers and wings. We were promptly joined by a gaggle of British couples who had just flown in and judging by breath and actions had a couple of pints on the plane. They took over our table due to space constraints and promptly spilled their beer straight onto my pants. Note to self, when drinking black pants hide all manner of liquid spills. But no matter a quick apology on their part and no harm, no foul. A couple of the other Brits were sitting on their own and jokingly spilling beer on each other, unfortunately a Dutch native was walking by and was on the receiving end of some beer on the leg. Normally a non-inebriated individual might apologize, offer to buy a drink for the victim, but no telling that to a British national. No apology so of course the Dutch took offense and began yelling. Warning bells approaching, but quickly the Dutch calmed down, turned around walked back to his table picked up a fresh full pint of Amsterdam’s finest and promptly poured it over the head of the Brit. Now all 12 British partygoers are up in arms of the great offense and the non-proportional response, while other Dutch come to the victim’s aid. Lots of shouting by both men and women, before all finally end up leaving. All the while my boss and I are calmly eating our burgers and enjoying the show. Let it not be said that American’s can’t stay independent at times during a European conflict.

Other observations were of a more artistic variety. Europeans clearly have a finer sense of design than many of us stateside. They believe in enhanced privacy which includes full side walls and door for every bathroom, but I was mesmerized when my urinal had a fly in it (yes you read that right urinal not soup). I was even more surprised when I realized all the urinals had a fly in them, well at least a sticker with a picture of a fly. It turns out that that location happens to be the mathematical ideal location to direction a stream of liquid to minimize any splash back or alternate negative altercations. I guess when everyone wears a suit instead of business casual this becomes of higher importance.

So life in the big city continues to progress as I safely arrived back in the states to a monotone, ‘welcome back home, remember to pay your taxes in the next two months’ from the customs passport officer.

Is tipping mandatory?

An interesting experience happened to a friend and I earlier in the week when we went to a bar for a casual post work drink and catch-up session. We went to small little hole in the wall place first that had this great atmosphere with little love seats and couches sprinkled around the room with a pool table in the back. Great staff, great atmosphere, however limited their drinks to beer and wine. After a couple of drinks we decide to check out the place next door. This bar was a little fancier serving full bar of spirits.

The bar had a total of three people inside including the bartender, but what did we expect for a Tuesday night. We purchased our drinks for a total of $15. Now everyone tips differently, some people give their tips at the end of the night, others at each occasion on ordering a drink. Well in this case we gave exact change and without leaving had not left a tip yet. About 45 minutes later my friend asks the bartender for just a glass of water. He gives her a trashy look and exclaims the nerve of her to ask for a favor when she never left him a tip. Keep in mind neither of us have ever been in this bar before nor ever seen this man before. We had not left and returned, nor had we been overly demanding. The bartender then goes off for the next 10 minutes spouting on how horrible we are not to tip. Frankly I was stunned. First of all when did tipping become mandatory? The etymology of Tips is from the phrase ‘to ensure proper service’. Clearly this is a voluntary act and one that can be given or withheld at will. It is truly bad form to comment on this as the employee even worse to complain about it. But this really makes you realize how comfortable some people are that tips are going to be mandatory.

There is now a person in virtually every bathroom for clubs and many restaurants handing you a paper towel expecting a tip. The doorman at the hotel who does not call for a taxi but simply opens the door of the next waiting taxi is expecting a tip. The bus driver at the parking lot at the airport who neither helps you with your bags nor provides any other service but drive the bus expects a tip. Even the cashier at the fast food restaurants now have a tip jar. I do not mind providing tips to people who go above and beyond, hell I will happily give tips to people who just do a good job helping me out (waitresses, bartenders, taxi drivers, etc). But how far do we have to go to tip everyone we run into? And if we decide the service is not up to par, nor their attitude, isn’t it both our right and our privilege to show our displeasure by not tipping? Something to think about as the doorman opens the automatic door of the hotel and holds out his hand. Oh and before you think I am just being cheap, most of the world does not follow this habit of tipping including most of Europe and they are rarely accused of being cheap, they just pay a decent salary.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Do I have bad Karma? Am I not a good person? Do I not try to help the under privileged and other ass holes who can’t get their head out of their ass to get a decent job?

So if you couldn’t tell I am more than a bit pissed off. My car was broken into yet again, but not at 3am, no this time between the time I got home at 4pm and 6:30pm, in the middle of the day! Yes they broke the same window again and stole everything I had just replaced. I do not live in a bad neighborhood, hell I live about 100ft from one of the largest depositories of cash in the entire city most likely in the entire state, the West Coast US Mint. I don’t get it. What do I do differently? Is nothing safe or sacred anymore.

Frankly, fuck them. I am certainly losing any sympathy for those less fortunate than myself, I work for a living, what the hell do they do!

Oh and by the way Happy Valentine’s day, isn’t it a wonderful day!

Its just another day, or is it?

A number of people today discussed how Valentine’s day is nothing special, just another day, only made special both those executives at Hallmark and at the diamond exchange. But can any day really just be simply a day?

Today I was driving to work and was so caught up in thoughts from the news that I missed my turn-off from the highway not once but actually twice. Missed it the first time, went another 2 miles down the highway, flipped around and then missed it again. This of course does not bode well for my general driving abilities when lost in thought but it does highlight the power on our minds when we set it to focus on a particular subject. Mother’s and Father’s day is no different than any other, no parades or fireworks, yet for 24 hours all of our senses are forced in a polar direction of remembering either parent. Any holiday, be it large or small is about focus and direction. Valentine’s day is no exception, it is of course an excuse to celebrate and be thankful for what we might have but also a time to take more than a momentary look at our own direction. Are we happy with where we are in love, maybe we want to change and don’t know how, or maybe we just need to take a few more risks. Sure we say it jokingly when we call it Single’s Appreciation Day, but really it is about taking a second and taking stock of what we had, have and hope to achieve.

I heard an interesting statistic that only 10% of all people end up never finding someone to settle down with for any period of time in their life, what statistics fail to mention is how happy they were and how long it lasted. But it does inspire all to take heart, for there is no hurrying emotions and no point in trying. Instead take stock in what you have, the friends you have around you and if you have a free moment as you pass your exit on the highway maybe a family member or two.

On a separate note my friend’s dog bit a postman and they are all worried that he might have to be put down do to hurting another. This of course begs the question if Chaney will have to have the same repercussions for shooting a friend.

Smarter by the second

So I have finally evolved out of the days of yore and into the new generation to discover what all the hype is about. Have you discovered podcasts? This is a relatively type of broadcasting technique where people can record a series of audio broadcasts that you can subscribe to on itunes. Every time you open the program or plug your ipod to your computer it will automagically download the latest programs. When you weed through the garage bands and people spouting rhetoric you can find some real gems. BBC, NPR, and even the discovery channel have yielded great reporting that I can selectively tune to during workouts or walks around the city. Haven’t you always wanted to get smarter while simply riding a stationary bike or stretching the spine in yoga? Now here is your opportunity. I am even going so far as to listen to Bush’s weekly presidential radio sessions. If you haven’t checked this out and have an ipod I highly recommend it. Fear not there is more than just nerd programming on here, indeed there is comedy, movie gossip and even for some of you erotic literature readings. So happy listening.

This weekend was spent helping a friend move and was having just a leisurely Sunday when I decided maybe it was a good time to back-up my computer. I connect my computer to my massive USB external drive that houses years worth of backups, pictures, music files and all else when I get the fatal I/O error, Drive can not be read. Oh fair lord, don’t do this to me. Hours spent trying to restore access to the drive yielded nothing more than a bit of stress and a loss of an afternoon. Although not the end of the world, nor am I giving up, I am more than a bit frustrated, just goes to show nothing is forever, even digital data.

Now moving out of nerd talk for just a second you know what very special date is rapidly approaching? Yes you heard it here first, singles appreciation day the other name for Valentine’s Day is in just 3days. So get out your chocolate, flowers and e-cards for the ones you love. If you have no one to send to, find a friend or even your mother to send a card to, they rarely hear how much of an impact they make in your life and that you appreciate them. Alas this year I was unable to spend it on the road, unlike the past three years where I have successfully spent the day out of my home state many times a few miles above the ground in my own little warm cocoon. In fact I believe it was two years ago when I actually got a beautiful Valentine’s Day gift from the cute and adorable, Ms. United Airlines. Yes they found out that their 1k was on a cross-country flight and actually put an entire gift basket onboard to present to me somewhere over the middle of the country. Well no such luck this year, I fear Ms. United will have to find another man.

Until later have a great Sunday evening.

Was that in my pocket?

Now that life has started to return to normal I return to the normal yet still humorous anecdotes of my life. During this interesting period over the past two weeks I was actually awarded a large promotion at work which comes with it a vast amount of responsibility and visibility. Partly due to that and partly simply to not having gone shopping for quite some time, about three weeks ago I purchased three new suits for the first time in 5 years. This suits make me look both dashing and debonair if I do say so myself. Well today I had one of my seven executive presentations for the week for a room full of senior executives. Every presentation they had seen that day was given by a VP or above from my company and then you have little Matthew coming in in his dashing new suit to present and stand toe to toe with the big wigs. I like to think I held up with an air of sophistication and maturity, and just on my exit did I lose it all. I shake hands on the way out and reach into my pocket to grab my business cards and what falls out on the floor right at the customer’s feet? A nice red tag identifying my suit as on sale! A good laugh was had by all, I might speak like a VP but am certainly not paid like one.

Life is continuing to move in the fast lane with more work than I can shake a stick at, but I am genuinely enjoying what I am doing even if it means I have absolutely no downtime on a daily basis. It’s nice to have some level of autonomy and more importantly some authority, although I am certainly hoping for a bit of sleep one of these nights.

Dodged a Bullet

A couple of weeks ago I started to have some symptoms that were more than a bit concerning. Now being a typical male I of course waited a week before I finally scheduled an appointment with a doctor, one kind of hopes it will just go away on its own. Alas it did not. My doctor is of course an optimist (would I pick a doctor who was not) but he was concerned enough to start me on some pretty strong drugs which had the wonderful adverse reaction of severe nausea in the beginning. But that was not the cause of consternation it was the possibly extremely serious condition I might have which could yield a number of outcomes from being sterile to of course the end result of possible loss of life. The next week was in many ways the worst of my life as I struggle with the unknown. Before I get into what the week was like I will get to the punch line, that it was a false positive and the symptoms are completely benign. Sorry to all of you out there, you will have to continue to put up with me for many more years to come!

I think in the beginning what scared me the most was not the possibility of losing my life but of losing my dreams. We all have dreams that we have as kids, everything from people president of the United States to being a fireman. My dreams are a little more simplistic, wanting to be happy, having a family and making a real difference in whatever I end up deciding is my ‘real job’. I think the possibility of not being able to achieve any one of these dreams is what scared me the most. So I will admit that in many ways I just went into my own little cave. Yes I know in times of major personal adjustments you are supposed to reach out to friends and family but frankly I didn’t think I could take their reaction. This is when I need to thank a whole lot of those friends who did reach out to me even when I did everything possible to push them away. Their level of caring and compassion has been truly humbling and I am very lucky to have this level of friends, so again thank you.

This all happened while I was in Savannah Georgia which if you have not been is just a fun little town. It is otherwise known as Hilton Head and located on a small waterway next to one of the largest ports in the south. There is something so peaceful about the south, the way life just move a little slower, and people are a little more relaxed. I spent much of a day when I was down there just walking along the waterway watching the massive cargo ships silently gliding by as I pondered life’s bigger questions. I would certainly not mind going back at some point when I didn’t have dark clouds looming overhead.

So I want to thank everyone who was supportive of me, I know this past week has really tested some of my relationships as I pushed many of you away, but thank you for all your support even if I didn’t respond to you directly.

Now I will go back to writing all the usual blather I do on this site to entertain to the best of my ability.