Slightly Lighter Topic

For the first time in a number of weeks I returned home not for mere hours, rather for an entire week before going back on the road. This is of course a matter of some delight as I can actually sleep in my own bed (you have no idea how nice this is) as well as going to my own gym and not going to restaurants (which I am sure I will still do due to my reluctance to cook). However getting home to this luxury and state of bliss was no easy task. Keep in mind that Texas in general and some major cities like Dallas tends to have a slightly different way of looking at life as compared to the rest of the country in general. If a task can take one hour to get completed in CA, it would be better served by spending 3 hours in Texas. This is how they drive, act and eat.

Driving was just awesome. Here is a location where they are not limited on space and have thus built consistently minimum of 5 lane highways not including the carpool lane. Although people drive slowly they leave huge gaps between cars allowing speedsters like me to just fly up the highway even in the roughest of their traffic. Fear not I waved every time I changed lanes.

Airport was a mob house. Hoped to get on an early plane that did not exist (oops on my side) so had a good 4 hours to kill inside the stunning vista of architecture called DFW. Several thousand troops were on their way over to Iraq in full camouflage. Ended up eating dinner with one (he needed on last fix of McDonalds, I just needed food). In his opinion we are doing good things over there, he tells of stories of them providing massive amounts of free healthcare to locals there as well as food and helping rebuild housing. Majority of the non-extremists that he meets is actually very much looking forward to being able to safely vote for their leaders and indeed their future. With 4 months to go in his tour, Steve stay safe in your Apache.

Chicago flights up and down the concourse were delayed due to weather (not my concern), Denver was delayed due to it having to turn around earlier in its schedule due to a medical emergency, Washington had an engine that wouldn’t start, and San Francisco couldn’t find a gate to park at. Ok so clearly a slightly chaotic scene. Now picture 2 gate agents who already think quitting is preferential to working for an airline with no pension as explained to other passengers prior to this current drama (of course begs the question why they have not yet quit). They helped an average of 2-3 passengers per hour. The line continued to grow with planes leaving with people still waiting in line. At one point a plane landed and waited at the gate for almost 25 minutes before gate agent looked behind the counter through the window, saw the plane and decided to move the jetway to allow passengers off. I am in a state of disbelief at this point, and yet no one is angry upset or irate (chalk one up to the catatonic state of Texans).

We finally board my flight a mere hour late but that is ok as I am flying home! I get on and decide to maybe watch a movie on my laptop, oops no battery left anymore. Fair enough I should read anyway. Given this is now 9pm a reading light will be a necessity. Reach up over the shoulder and chest of the poor guy in the middle seat, and yup, you guessed it the reading light is burned out. The gentleman in the middle seat who had a working light graciously offered his seat to swap (exit row window, I equally graciously declined). Digging into my bag of schtuff at my feet, popped out my handy flashlight (Dad you laughed but who is laughing now!) and proceeded to read my book by flashlight for the next two hours. Memories of reading under my covers by flashlight as a child flashing through my mind the entire time. At long last we arrive home and by midnight I am as snug as a bug (hopefully not with any) in my bed. This of course lasts all of 5 hours before I begin yet another day bright and early, with CA traffic and sub-100 degree weather. Man its good to be home!

A quick shout-out to my sister who had her birthday yesterday (anyone want to sing with me?). She is off saving the world in Egypt celebrating her 29^th birthday with friends and good ice cream (hopefully). Way to go sis, you made it through another year!!

Reaffirmation and Miracles

The past 6 months has been a time to question God and people in general. Nothing like pediatric cancer to make you question everything you once held so close to your heart. I believed that many people were ultimately good people and that they do help others out. This past six months showed to what a huge extreme this is taken to by a larger group than I could ever have imagined.

Due to Ben’s condition the family has been of course so overwhelmed with a whole new world, this medical world. Learning medical jargon, dozens of new drugs, hundreds of tricks to help Ben with his pain and anxiety, and of course the stress of the unknown. And out of the woodwork pours hundreds, literally hundreds of people wanting to do anything to help. This ranged from offers to cook or pay for dinners (of which volunteers have been providing daily for SIX months!!), to babysitting Jacob (younger brother), to laundry and anything else that needed to be done. I have talked to many of these volunteers and what is remarkable is how everyone has a story. They all speak of a family member, a friend, an acquaintance that had or survived cancer of some type. This is a disease that touches so many, and surprisingly so many children. Walking into the hospital and seeing children under a year already going through chemo breaks your heart to its very core. You feel at a loss, like how could this exist, and after the absolute worst rain storms and hurricanes do we see the most beautiful rainbows ever seen by our eyes.

People and companies come together to bring sunlight and love to these kids! Disney lovingly provided toys and games and personal messages from Mickey while Ben was at the utmost of his pain. Lucas Films helped set us up with actors who volunteered to dress up in full star wars costumes for Ben and other kids. Countless other companies who helped donate toys and t-shirts all for children they don’t know and may never meet. Their compassion is only overshadowed by the hundreds of individuals who did the same with their own time and their own money. Everyday, without recognition and without thanks these are the very foundation of humankind.

How will this story end? I wish I knew. But it has renewed my faith in people and their unending love for others and their generosity that knows no bounds. I know these words in no way do justice to the unbelievable love that I have been privileged to witness and how I pray for the wisdom to show what they have done. I fear I fail in that regard, as there is no words that can demonstrate people’s caring and generosity.

I can say God bless. I don’t know if there is such a thing as karma, or possibly that all our actions are judged after we die, but if so there are so many who are so much better than I could ever hope to be.

May we never lose that desire to help others, the love to persevere when the way is difficult, and the means to provide that love!

Continue to pray for Ben and for everyone else on 2N, they lost one brave soul last Friday after an excruciating battle, but the fight for so many others continues!

Never stop believing!

Rocks!

What do we consider to be one of the strongest things around us in nature? Rocks right? You are my rock, caught between a rock and a hard place, etc. We use them for support to help pick us up, to help balance things when we can not do it by ourselves.

Did you know that rocks are actually quite fragile? You heat and cool one a couple of dozen times and it will actually explode. Funny how something that appears so strong is really so fragile.

Losing my Mind?

It all started early this week when I flew to Dallas and I realized that I left my book on the plane. Now I haven’t left something on a plane in years, well since I went to Hong Kong at age 9 to be precise. Especially since this was a borrowed book and left in the seat pocket right in front of me. But hey anyone can forget something, it happens. I get home on Thursday, go to shave and realize I forgot my good razor in the cup in the hotel bathroom. Now come on, what is going on? I am still having a tough time concentrating on anything and find that I will be in the middle of something as mundane as walking to the supply room and can honestly not remember what I am going there for. Its actually fairly embarrassing, and I hope I can get my head back on straight soon.

This weekend is for catching up on a little sleep hopefully and getting ready for continuing my 2 months of near non-stop travel. Maybe a little laundry and cleaning of the apartment.

Write more later when I can clarify my thoughts.

Party Time!

Sunday was a day planned to bring family and friends together to celebrate life and all that life affords. A chance for family to be together under happier circumstances. Well with just under 500 people showing up for Ben’s Big Bash (the official name of course) it was all of that and so much more. The big ban started at 8am with the beginnings of setup and with over 50 volunteers we were able to transform a normal city block into the most amazing carnival setting. A group of a dozen people made a massive balloon arch over 40 ft long to go over the main bandstand area. By 1pm we had setup the entire block and had cleared everyone out. The main festivities started at 3pm with the SF Chinese New Year Dance and Drum corp who led people into the carnival area, followed immediately by a martial arts demonstration by Ben’s old (or not so old) classmates. Before people had a chance to take a breath and take pause the fun and surprises kept on coming. We had arranged for a dozen Lucas actors to show up, this included Darth Vedar, storm troopers and other characters I just don’t know. Just before hand I went to see if Ben was well enough to come out and see the characters. Due to his medication he was getting extreme anxiety and panic attacks not to mention rage attacks. This is not him, this is the steroids and some of the other drugs. Anything more than 5 people around him and he starts to get uncomfortable. So when I asked if he wanted to meet the Darth, he said just this, ‘I don’t feel well, but can my friends play with him?’ How many kids do you know of who are first looking out for their friends. So amid theme music they came out and the crowd went crazy. Kids and adults alike swarmed around these genuine and incredibly impressive suits, which came complete with power sources for built-in microphone and speakers (to do voice modification). The highlight of this of course was getting Darth and one storm trooper to come 1:1 and meet Ben in a more comfortable situation.

Cupertino, San Jose and Sunnyvale made their entrance around 5pm, with 7 cars in full lights, and 2 motorcycles. Now these guys know how to make an entrance, the only ones who came close was the fire department that showed up an hour later with 2 engine companies. Both groups stayed until well after closing for all the kids to play with. Some of them came on their day off while others volunteered for this special assignment. We are most thankful, especially a special sergeant that walked his huge bike into Ben’s garage to again let him look at the bike and talk to the sergeant 1:1. Ben was actually really quite active just couldn’t be mobbed. He did take some walks of the carnival, but key family members just helped caring friends and family at a comfortable distance. Of the carnival rides, the dunk tank, the t-shirt decorating, and jump house were clearly the winners of the popularity (and long line) contest.

Overall I think a great time was had by all. There was of course a bit of an undercurrent that ran through the adults as we know the purpose of the party, however there was lots of laughter, lots of smiles and lots of camaraderie among the whole crowd. We had a huge sheet that all the kids signed, and then a massive sign book with pictures that everyone else left messages in. This will hopefully be the memories that the family will take with them for years to come.

So overall it was an amazing time, and so many people did so much to help. It is truly heart warming to so many people, some of whom don’t even know the family who want to help. Just goes to show how unbelievable people can be when put to the test. Now I am in Washington DC (after an excruciating red-eye out that night) for another 8 hours before going to Dallas for 36 hours and then stumbling my way home hopefully by Thursday. All I have to say is I can’t wait for a good and long night sleep.

Its coming together

I didn’t think it possible that just on a lot of caffeine and pure adrenalin we could plan an event in just under 6 days for 350 people minimum. There has been a huge outpouring of assistance from all over and it has made this into what looks like it will be an unbelievable event. For those of you reading this who helped, Thank you, we could not have done it without you!

As for Ben he is still struggling, this last round of chemo is notorious for incredibly bad mouth sores, intense headaches and major mood swings. I think the mood swings are hardest on the parents because they know it is not him who is hitting them and saying I hate you, it is the drugs, but it is so so hard. Sitting there and playing with him, he is a normal kid one minute and then of course he will just start crying. He doesn’t understand why and it scares him whey he has these mood shifts as well. That is probably the part that hurts the worst is seeing the fear in him at different times. This is such an unbelievably terrible disease (not that an any disease is any better I am sure in children).

But we are going to leave this entry upbeat with an amazing carnival that will be going on in a couple of days. It keeps looking better and better he will be able to make it and everything else is a go! So keep your fingers crossed that he keeps getting better at least until the event, and away we go!!

This is going to be FUN!!!!!! 

Update

He is still pulling through. This kid is the greatest fighter I have seen since Mohamed Ali. When the doctors tell him that a procedure or some chemo might hurt, he just looks at them and says ‘bring it on’. He remains cheerful, jumping up and down on the bed, playing video games and telling jokes. At this point we are all praying for a miracle.

I thankfully am spending almost all my time planning this party and thus not having to slow down and think about it. The only problem of course is sleeping, but thankfully I am not doing that these days so problem solved. The number of people from work who have offered everything they have to offer from time, to money to connections to weird and crazy places has been unbelievable. Truly a wonderful group of people who want to help and offer support. Part of it is because there is absolutely nothing we can do about the disease at least now we can feel we are doing something for Ben. All I know is that this is a great kid who is touching hearts all around him.

For now this is a short entry, I have lots of phone calls to return and even more emails to send. But if you know me, or even if you don’t, send a little prayer out to this great kid, his name is Ben, he is seven years old, and he does not deserve to die.

Unbelievable Pain

My body aches honestly aches, not from some accident but emotion. Today at 4:30pm PST I got a call from the family of this 7 year old boy that they have changed his status to terminal. The cancer has come back stronger and there is really nothing they can do. As such they decided to go all out with Make-A-Wish and create a carnival type event for him as a way to celebrate one last time with friends and family. In ten minutes on the phone they told me this and asked if I could plan it and arrange everything. Not that they needed to ask, they need to be spending their time on things so much more important, spending time with their sons.

Without thinking I jumped right in. The next five hours have been a blur of several dozen phone calls and almost a hundred emails. First I sent an email to all of her former and current group of employees at work (a couple hundred people) asking for ideas and any help they could provide. Then called a couple of contacts I have made and some of my friends. Then called the social worker from Stanford and then the contact for Make-A-Wish.

All I had to do was whisper that we needed help and like air into a vacuum there was a sudden roar that overcame me. For five months everyone has wanted to help but we are limited in what we can do, finally now we have a way to help. In a few hours we have arranged the following:

1. The Fire Department will come with a few fire trucks and other vehicles for the kids

2. A movie company will be sending over actors in full costume with gifts for the kids

3. San Francisco zoo is working on sending their mobile animal vehicle out with a petting zoo

4. We will have a jump-house, basketball hoops, miniature golf for the kids (and some adults)

5. Cold Stone Creamery is probably going to attend with sundae making materials

6. Popcorn maker, snow cone maker and cotton candy machines will all be there

7. We will be using a caterer for food as that will make planning just a little bit easier (donations will be taken after the event for the sake of logistics)

8. A permit has already been filed to the city to close the street

Now as I take a break and take a breath the reality is starting to set in. The nausea overcomes me and I just can’t believe it is happening all over again. How can we come to grips with this? I just want to lose myself in the logistics of making the largest and best party that this city has seen, because then I don’t have to think about the reality.

I do want to take a second and recognize the social worker and the contact for Make-A-Wish, here are two people who day in and day out are responsible for up to a hundred children that are terminally ill and knowing that. How they stay so optimistic over time, I don’t know. But God Bless them. I know I am a complete believer in both organizations right now and forever. If you are looking to help financially out with a charity or just volunteer time, Please look into your local chapter of Make-A-Wish, it is a wonderful cause!

As for me for now, lets make this the best damn celebration of life ever!

Ooompa!

This weekend I continue with my volunteer activities with the Red Cross this time the locale had much less nudity than Bay to Breakers but was no less entertaining and fun. Friday through Sunday out here I was welcomed by the Greek Festival to help protect their guests, usually from themselves. Now most ethnic groups have their own dances that go with their culture that everyone learns from the earliest age from weddings and every other special occasion dealing with large numbers of friends and family. Well Greeks are no different.

From 11am until 10pm the dance floor was filled with friends and family members from young to old dancing up a storm. I was surprised that even in the late hours when it was just the awkward teenagers in the tender age of 12-15 when boys are trying to impress girls and girls are trying to impress boys all doing stupid things normally, but yet they all continued to dance the traditional steps. Some of the men’s dances were downright effeminate by some traditional standards. And yet no embarrassment by the teenagers, they just jumped right in and would dance with anyone. Quite nice to see people just having a good time.

Now when it comes to food, oompa! They treated us like royalty or rather like Greek grandparents constantly trying to feed us. From standard Gyros all the way to these deserts that were fried dough then boiled in honey covered in chopped almonds and cinnamon. To say they were heavenly would be an understatement. They treated us like one of the family and every time we walked by on our rounds a 4ft grandmother straight off the boat (or plane) from Greece would run out of their stands to make sure we have eaten recently and constantly pushing food into our hands. It was great to see that almost every stand was all volunteers from the Greek church, and they made everyone from young to old help out in some way, and everyone was so cheerful.

From a medical side it was nice and quiet. We did have a woman almost give birth right at our first aid station. She came over saying she was having contractions every 15 minutes apart, she debated with her husband for the next 20 minutes if he should walk home (3 blocks) to get the car and pick her up or if she should walk home with him. By the time they made a decision her contractions were 3 minutes apart and coming stronger. At this point we are like, go anywhere but here, go shoo shoo. :-). Other than that lots of skinned knees and small cuts on kids. We had this wonderful older woman. She was having chest pains. When I started asking questions I just had to be impressed with her clarity and sense of humor. Upon asking if she was taking any medication, she looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘young man I am 71 years old what do you think’. So I narrowed it down to heart medication, she again looked me right in the eye and informed me, ‘Young man I might look as healthy as a horse, but I am 71, of course I am taking those as well’. Throughout the interview and treatment I was so impressed by here sense of self and calm about life. She had spent the day not only watching the dancing, but then actually joining in for some of the slower songs, truly being one with the community.

So overall an ok weekend, very much a reaffirmation of life and seeing that there is so much vibrancy in the world. It was both timely and much needed.

Does the pit in your stomach go away? Writing is supposed to make you feel better, but just the opposite I find it leads to restless nights and no desire to eat. How can one make so much more of an impact than hundreds? We read about hundreds dying in some far off land, and we turn the page of the newspaper for the next article, careful to not let the ink rub off on our clean pants. Yet we get a trickle of information about just one, and it can dramatically change everything. Everything rushes back like a flood overwhelming this poor rock in the middle of a river. Every pent up hidden fear, is brought to bear. And so we do the only thing we can do, continue through the day, answering phone calls responding to emails and praying that no one asks. We have to stay strong for others so hold it in.

But God make this all go away for him, please!

My Prayer

God I don’t think I have ever doubted if you existed. True I have no proof that you exist or even what form you take, but somewhere in my heart I have to believe you are somewhere in more than just our heart. I do question your motives and your plans. There is a child, a child who has gone through hell like countless others and has braved fears than fall grown men to their knees. He has persevered with a smile and a joke at every turn at every you throw at him. And yet just as he sees a light at the end of the tunnel, a conclusion to this most unpleasant play, you have to hit him with the grand mal of them all. The strong possibility that he is right back where he started just that much weaker at the get go.

Why? Why would you take a guiltless and sin free child and put them through such hell. You can not honestly believe that children are born with sin, so if not why would you punish? Even as I ask these questions I pray, I pray on my knees with tears in my eyes and my voice quivering, I pray for him. I pray that you give him, another chance. I pray that this was just some small test, and he passes and can walk once more in the sun, but no more pain for him. No more suffering, and no more need for chemo.

Eternal God, father and mother of all we know, we can’t see you, we can’t hear you, and we can’t touch you. But we pray to you all the same that you show your mercy on a child who has done nothing to hurt another soul and who has inspired such strength and good feelings towards others as can hardly be imagined by a seven year old. May our prayers not fall onto deaf ears.

We wish all these things for him and not for us, for a blameless child deserves a childhood and not these horrors which we would prefer to only live in dreams. Please show mercy and guide him to health and away from the pain that he has known for so long. For Ben’s sake, please send health. For this we all pray!

Laziness

No I am not saying I am lazy, I am trying to give some people the benefit of the doubt for if they are not lazy they must then be some of the stupidest individuals in the region. We received a call yesterday to a building with actual smoke showing. This is different than a fire alarm in that we have confirmed fire in a large building with over 400 people. Even worse it is the corporate headquarters. With multiple engines on the way we fly out there with all our responders only to discover the garbage can is on fire. Not even on fire barely smoldering. Turns out the cigarette ash tray literally 10 feet away was too much trouble for someone so they had to dispose of a lit cigarette into a normal trash. The good news was we got to play with the fire extinguisher, but COME ONE people. Stop being lazy or otherwise stupid! Here endeth the lesson.

Life otherwise is progressing normally. Found out another one of my team members is leaving so now I am truly doing the job of three (too bad I don’t get the pay of three people). But when you consider all I do is sit on the phone all day, how hard can that be :-). I really have no reason to complain, I do like my job and the people I work with, so life isn’t so bad.

Speaking of which I need to cut this short as I do need to get hopping.